From our correspondent in New York

United Nations Building, 19.25, 3rd February 2010

Emergency Session of the Security Council

United States: Okay, so what happened?

Israel: It was, it was Iran.  I was jus’ looking at the moo-cows out the window and Iran pinched me!

Iran: Didn’t!  Big fibber! And and you stole my ice cream!  And, and…

Israel: Didn’t, I didn’t steal it, it was mine!  So I pinched back and got Tehran and then Iran slapped me with Anthrax.

Iran: It was mine!  Venezuela gave it to me.  It had a flake innit and everything!

China: I’m not clear on how hair pulling and the theft of Venezuela’s ice cream is of sufficient magnitude to trigger a nuclear exchange.

United Kingdom: What flavour ice cream?  That might be an important factor.

China: There are no circumstance where the perceived superiority of one flavour over any other flavour of ice cream can directly lead to the airbursts of megaton-rated thermonuclear devices over Tehran and Tel-Aviv-Jaffa.  Did it contain nuts?

United States: Why didn’t Venezuela give us an ice cream?

Russia: Venezuela told us it was because you smell.

United States: Your mom smells.

France: You both smell.  OW!  Iran just pinched me!

Iran: Didn’t!  And you stole my ice cream!

United Kingdom: What flavour?

_______________________________

And on it goes.  Perhaps without end.

We can all rest easy in our beds knowing the fate of the world rests in such capable hands.