United Nations Building, 19.25, 3rd February 2010
Emergency Session of the Security Council
United States: Okay, so what happened?
Israel: It was, it was Iran. I was jus’ looking at the moo-cows out the window and Iran pinched me!
Iran: Didn’t! Big fibber! And and you stole my ice cream! And, and…
Israel: Didn’t, I didn’t steal it, it was mine! So I pinched back and got Tehran and then Iran slapped me with Anthrax.
Iran: It was mine! Venezuela gave it to me. It had a flake innit and everything!
China: I’m not clear on how hair pulling and the theft of Venezuela’s ice cream is of sufficient magnitude to trigger a nuclear exchange.
United Kingdom: What flavour ice cream? That might be an important factor.
China: There are no circumstance where the perceived superiority of one flavour over any other flavour of ice cream can directly lead to the airbursts of megaton-rated thermonuclear devices over Tehran and Tel-Aviv-Jaffa. Did it contain nuts?
United States: Why didn’t Venezuela give us an ice cream?
Russia: Venezuela told us it was because you smell.
United States: Your mom smells.
France: You both smell. OW! Iran just pinched me!
Iran: Didn’t! And you stole my ice cream!
United Kingdom: What flavour?
And on it goes. Perhaps without end.
We can all rest easy in our beds knowing the fate of the world rests in such capable hands.